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Both sound terrifying and stressful. If they start off liking me I’ll be worried every day they’ll realize what I really am and leave, and if I have to earn their love they can take it away whenever they get bored with me.
Amazingly, my ex did both (realize what I am, and take away their affection like dropping a bag of shit with zero emotional loss) after six years together. And we started as liking each other mutually from the start. No situation is safe.
Abandonment issues are tough buddy. Just let people love you bro