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Pies are nice and all; but have you considered a dildo to the face?
It has a certain style after all.
I love the Wikipedia pedantry in correcting that it wasn’t technically a dildo.
Indeed, just a rubber flesh toned phallus. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Only in New Zealand: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waitangi_dildo_incident
I forgot TPPA happened. Feels like a lifetime ago