Not mine. Monty Python “The Bruce’s Philosophy Song”.

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant Who was very rarely stable Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy little beggar Who could think you under the table David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel And Wittgenstein was a beery swine Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ya 'Bout the raising of the wrist Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed John Stuart Mill, of his own free will On half a pint of brandy was particularly ill Plato, they say, could stick it away Half a crate of whiskey every day Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle Hobbes was fond of his dram And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart “I drink, therefore I am” Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pissed