I looked at one apartment years ago where a dog (hopefully it was a dog) had eaten a one-square-foot chunk out of the corner of the bedroom door. The previous tenants had repaired it by nailing a pizza box over the missing corner. The pizza box still had cheese on it. Somehow this seemed worse to me than the two big mounds of dog shit in the kitchen.

The landlord was a wheelchair-bound woman who hadn’t been upstairs to look at the apartment since the previous tenants had left. When I told her what was up there, she said if I took the place she would knock off $200 … from the security deposit.