I was “don’t take that kid to a store full of expensive fragile shit” age and disposition.

My mom took me through the expensive fragile shit section of Dillards or some other mall store.

Pitch black. The first thing everyone heard was my mother, standing next to me and holding my hand with a death grip, yelling “STRANGER DONT FUC-UH-SHITTING MOVE GODDAMIT”

My soul rocketed out my ass directly through my pants and I did not fuckuhshittingmove.