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Not all ppl in an open relationship agree on what it is though. Ethical non-monogamy and cheating treat ppl very differently and I reserve my right to shame accordingly.
Who the hell is bringing their DL mistress to a family barbecue? If she’s there, there is no stinking way his wife doesn’t know about it.
If the wife doesn’t approve of it then yeah, he’s pressing the self destruct button on his marriage and bringing drama into a space it doesn’t belong, but I think it’s way more likely she knows what’s up and is cool with it.