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I have learned this too. It’s like the darkest sentence ever, lol. (Assuming you replace the middle period with a ; semicolon or dash)
But I’m proud of you and super impressed. Interested in the math and science courses if you have them to-hand
Start with Lenny Susskind, who saved my life with The Theoretical Minimum
https://youtu.be/iJfw6lDlTuA
Honestly it was when I was very ready to kill myself - got a manual with different suicide techniques and found one acceptable to me and was going to a hardware store to buy everything - that I finally checked myself into rehab. Sometimes you do need to hit rock bottom.