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You need to find a trail hiking group. You don’t need to change hobbies it sounds like. Try organizing a hike in your area and invite people to come along if you can’t find any. You’ll meet people quickly doing that.
Genuinely though the bar is at the floor for guys right now. If you are well groomed, friendly, and genuinely interested in learning about the specific woman you’re talking to then that alone would bump you up a lot of your potential matches. If you’re walking anywhere and the other person looks like they’re not trying to ignore your existence then you have better chances.
Try going shopping on the weekend; lots of woman are more willing to talk in stores and such when they’re not stressed out from work. If they hold eye contact with you in a friendly way then try saying hi and just chatting to get to know them a little and what they’re out and about for.
this is complete nonsense. generic internet advice that ‘seems plausible’ but if you go into the real world you’ll quickly realize what bullshit it is.
What’s nonsense about it? Let me know what specific parts of what I said that are nonsense to you? I took the time to write out a thoughtful reply to the other person, you can do the same here.
Let’s see you share some helpful advice that’s actually constructive and optimistic rather than judgmental. You offered no substance in your response but just sought to tear down what I contributed to the discussion.
It’s easy to criticize, it’s a lot more effort to actually engage with the discussion and offer alternatives. Like a normal dialogue functions.
written by somebody who has absolutely zero real-life experience. if you do that, women will say that you can’t just let people “be nice” and have to take everything up as a flirting opportunity.
Make up whatever reality suits you about me man.
You don’t have to flirt with everyone making eye contact with you. Intention is what matters, intending just to flirt doesn’t usually come across as you being genuinely interested in them as an individual.
If someone holds eye contact with you in a friendly way in a store, saying hi to them will probably make them feel better more often than not. Asking them about why they’re out and about gives them room to talk and choose if they want to carry a conversation with you. If they want to keep the conversation going, they certainly might and possibly even bounce it back by asking what’s got you out and about.
You have to remember body language matters a lot for in person conversations as well. So if they’re looking at their phone or looking around like they want out of the conversation then definitely take that as a sign to let it go. Tempered body language of your own can convey a lot on its own as well. Such as not coming across as too desperate for their attention.
I’m down, but where? That whole “not doing social media” thing means no Facebook, where all those local hiking groups would be organizing, or where I’d have to post if I were the organizer (and organizing a meeting then trying to meet a woman there feels sketchy, anyway).
Yeah honestly that isn’t my issue, once I get my foot in the door I’m good, but all the doors are locked and I can’t find my pick, the issue is starting that conversation to begin with.
Fair enough, this is basically a more succinct and less explicit version of my final conclusion lol. That’s kinda the plan, but most women I talk to (irl or online) seem to indicate that is socially unacceptable now too.
Which actually probably helps the bar being on the floor btw, all the guys afraid of making women uncomfortable and being creepy are not approaching them because they complained and we listened, now the only guys approaching women in public are the ones who don’t care about creeping them out, because they didn’t listen. I’m not saying that’s the whole problem but it has to be some %.
Absolutely correct. I’ve been pointing this out for years and people gaslight me about it and act like I’m the problem for calling attention to it, but it absolutely is a real phenomenon.
There might be public postings already out there listed at a local community college, community center, or city website for public events near you. If you post a meet up, do so with the intent of just bringing people to together and having fun, doing so with just intent of meeting women should come second. If you meet people that you vibe with then for sure invite them to more hikes or other shared activities.
Hosting Partifuls could help a lot to get things off the ground as well. My friend does those all of the time even for the most mundane things and lots of friends and acquaintances will show up and bring friends along.
For getting your foot in the door, it’s a lot of putting yourself in the right spaces to meet people. If you don’t have an issue actually connecting, then that’s a great start. I’d advise trying friend finding apps too since the pressure is offloaded on those compared to strictly dating apps. Lots of women want to find guys they could at least be friends with first before committing to dating. You remove a lot of the barriers of pressure when meeting up doesn’t have to be a date, but can be if you both are connecting.
I feel where you go matters, what time you go matters, and not forcing the interaction matters for this. If you go to a woman dominated space and are confident and cool headed about it, just that and being dressed the part for being there could have you being checked out by women. Probably less a bookstore, more a ‘healthy’ lunch spot or outdoor/indoor mall. After their first coffee and before lunch? You’re golden. Specifically during/after lunch? Golden. After dinner? Generally fine.
You gotta believe and know that you’re coming with pure intentions; if you get caught up in the anxiety of not trying to look weird/creepy it’ll just come off that way instead imo. Out in the world, woman are way more chill than online makes women out to be. There are certainly a number of women that are reasonably wary, due to weirdos with no respect boundaries, but if you look, act, and are friendly then you definitely will meet woman that have been looking for someone like that.
You also gotta pre-emptively accept the possibility that youll NEVER meet friends or a partner who wants to be associated with you despite your best efforts. It is a possibility and there is nothing wrong with you if that happens to you and youre a kind, quiet , peaceful person. It is what it is
Human-Human relationships are sort of an ‘It Is Whatt It Is’ Type Of Affair these days. You can do everything kindly and to your best efforts to meet other like-minded people …and everyone can still not want to be your friend or lover. You can be worst than Adolph Shiter or Suharto and be surrounded with a million admirers and fake friends. It is what it is.
'Sadly it is what it is BUT At least you tried ’ is how I see it nowadays. 🤷🏿♂️
Best of wishes to you and everyone else who is lonely out here. Best of wishes on the journey comrade.🫂🫡
I don’t believe that you need to accept a reality where you’ll never meet friends or a partner that want to be associated with you. By definition alone I would even say they are not friends and that is not a partner. Real people that would accept you as you are - are out there.
Even on the basis of probability, if only 1% of the people in this world were like that, that’s still at least 80,000,000 of people out there. Let’s say you just cared about that 1% of people in your local area - that’s still 100 people in a town of 10,000. And that’s just off a worst case scenario, the real odds would be much greater than 1% of people.
Many people like to play safe bets in life. They know that the people they know already have been at least decent to them, so you have a bit of a higher hurdle when meeting new people or breaking the mould. Even one new friend opens up many potential doors since you’re no longer perceived as a complete unknown, you have someone that vouches for you.
When you move to a new city or are starting fresh, generally that’s when you have the hardest time finding people since you’re leaving your existing social safety net. Sometimes, it can help a lot if you have family or friends from back home that could try to introduce you to some people in your new area.
Genuinely, there are some places that would be more difficult to make friends if your hobbies aren’t so common in that area.
Imo, it’s better to live a life surrounded by a few people of high quality than just trying to impress people that don’t care about you and your wellbeing.
Avoiding burn out in the struggle to find your found family makes sense, but I encourage you to not let your wings dampen before you have the chance to soar either - lest you live with regrets. I encourage you to take breaks when things don’t work out, but keep searching for people that value you.
I wish you the best on your journey ahead. Don’t be afraid to change things up if circumstances allow, truly sometimes you can find another version of the life you want to live in another place. I’m just here to pass along some advice since I’ve been down these roads before. 🫂