When I was a kid, I’d usually get As or B’s. This other kid told me whenever he got an A, he’d get $20 each. I said to my mom, “why don’t I get anything for my As?”

She said, “Because [other kid] is kind of stupid, so it’s a big deal when he gets one”

This was not a satisfying answer.

I also remember in late middle school, we were in the computer lab (I’m old) given a sort of free form assignment to do something for whatever book we’d read. I made a basic little game in BASIC (I’m still old). Some kid wrote the book title in WordArt. The teacher gushed over it, and I got a “that’s nice” for my fully operational game. Infuriating. Had a huge impact on my respect for authority and academic career, probably more than warranted.

My therapist tried to make me see the teacher’s point of view. Kyle was always fucking up and off task, so rewarding him when he’s not a fuckup for once must have felt like a big payoff. But I was always good, and she didn’t really understand what I was going on about, so she didn’t engage with it.