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I know you’re just ribbing me, but if I may be neurodivergently serious - despite having an unrelenting sweet tooth, it comes down to two things:
Either one by itself is okay, the two together is just a major hell naw.
The heaviness is also why I am not a fan of most cheesecakes. A super-light one, fine. But I frequently cannot finish most slices of cheesecake unless they’re particularly narrow slices, far thinner than usual.
Cheesecake, now? I’m sure you’re a perfectly nice person, but we can’t be friends, you and me.