The Xbox 360 will be old enough to drink in a couple months.

You’d make more money with a christmussy story

That’s exactly what it is!

You’re a mosquito that gets into a house and you have to suck as much blood as you can from the family as you can without getting squished.

You fly around, waiting for the right moment to land and start sucking blood, being careful not to be seen. Each level has a certain amount of blood to collect before you can move on, and the family gets increasingly more vigilant about killing you as they talk to each other about getting bit.

Mister Mosquito

Glitch, make another reference so they know they’re among friends.

WARNING: INCOMING GAME

I learned how to fix and build things with my dad. Now I have a list of projects to do around the house because I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay someone $1000 to install $300 of flooring…

I think cats have it better; dogs are expected to do a bit of work, even if it’s just companionship.

I know multiple people who refer to their cats as “asshole” but still provide everything for it.

My “parking assist” feature got immediately turned off when it slammed on the brakes because I backed into a parking spot and it saw the concrete parking block 6ft behind me…

I got out of the car thinking an animal had ran under a tire where I couldn’t see it, then figured out it was just the car being “helpful”.

You can tag users on Boost.

Ah, yes. Classic case of “90’s doom scrolling.”

Hoo boy, Benadryl…

Riding the line of itchy/sleepy <-> shadow people climbing out of my toenails is “fun”…

You’re thinking of a violin. A villain is the person you buy chocolate and flowers for on February 14th.

A moving blanket or 2.

I always keep a few in my car, they have multiple uses:

ground cover - keeps you out of the dirt/mud/gravel/snow etc while on the ground working

“Table” - a spot to keep your tools while you switch between them instead of playing “I just sat that wrench right here…”

Seat cover - a spot to sit the flat tire on in the backseat without getting everything else filthy

Privacy shield - ever had to change clothes in the car? Having a blanket to hold up to block people’s view is a big help

Blanket - something to keep a passenger warm while the car is off in bad weather

Thats just off the top of my head that I can remember using mine for, there’s probably 1000 more uses. A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have, and a blanket is like a big towel.

But wait, there’s more!

There’s about 4 different routes I can take to get to work with roughly a 2 minute travel time difference between them.

Every route has road construction on it right now, with my usual route being completely closed.

I’ve said multiple times if they put all the crews together on one project, it would probably be done, then they just all move to the next one. Instead, they make 100 teams of 3 guys and have them work on 250 projects at the same time.

…or maybe there’s an SCP that looks like an arrow board and a bunch of cones just slowly migrating around the city.

You can just vibe-direct it with AI for the irony! And the lulz!

(/s, please no one do this 😐)

Adding another layer to the Jackson Polluck painting

Becoming less “movie” and more “documentary” daily

Maybe you were thinking of Doc Ock…? He becomes Spider-Man in an alternate universe.

I haven’t seen a ball float on a toilet in ages!

Guess they had to be sure no minors were depicted in this kinky shit.