I’ll start.
We had great chemistry but different goals. She was religious and looking to marry and thought she could change me, a non-religious person who intends to remain unmarried and childless. I was up front about the lack of religion and the lack of desire for marriage. She was not up front about her intent to change me.
After two months of regular flings she told me we couldn’t see each other anymore, because she wanted someone to go to church with, it was my fault she was living a sinful life (totally), and she was cheating on me with another dude was a Christian.
My first marriage, because she has an undiagnosed mental illness and leaves a trail of destruction everywhere she goes.
When I was a young man, I was afraid of being alone. I learned that being with someone who makes you wish you were alone is far worse than being alone. Thankfully that was a long time ago and my life is much better.
I learned that being with someone who makes you wish you were alone is far worse than being alone.
Amen to this. It’s a really important piece of wisdom.
Glad you’re doing better!
BPD?
Textbook.
Thank you for a well-timed reminder. That was my example of “never stick your dick in crazy” but I somehow never got over it.
While things are much less stressful since I’ve got divorced (from someone else) it can be a bit lonely and my mind keeps going back to the one that I was too afraid to touch. The absolutely toxic one with BPD I knew in college and could never stop thinking of )no, I did not care while I was married to someone sane). I most certainly do not need that in my life.
We were together 13 years. We both grew as people but not together. I did a lot of therapy and finding myself. He kept pushing everything down and refusing to experience his feelings. We were never bad to each other we just kinda… Became roommates over time. We basically stopped being intimate both physically and emotionally.
One day we sat down, talked about where we’ve been, what we both want, what our ideal future is, and realized we were going in different directions. We decided to get divorced. We lived together for another year and a half after that because we own the house together.
I moved out a few months ago. We still talk every day, share pictures of the animals that we each kept, we’re good friends. We just didn’t open up to each other the last few years. He’s done therapy and started some self exploration since we decided to divorce. He seems much happier. We’re both dating other people and we’re both genuinely happy for each other.
May have lost a husband but, I definitely did not lose a friend. This was literally the best divorce you could ask for. I hope the best for him.
I’m in an eerily similar situation. Married 14 years, getting a divorce soon after she decided she was no longer attracted to me after about a year of her trying and internalizing her feelings.
I’m hoping I can have a friendship with her, but this all happened a month ago so it’s too fresh to tell if that can happen
Oof jeez I’ve been with my partner for 10 years and this sounds like such a familiar story. We’ve talked about splitting up but are giving couples therapy a chance for now. I really can’t see it going anywhere if he doesn’t choose to help himself though. I am too tired and feel like I am enabling more than anything.
Glad to hear it worked out okay for you. Hope you’re well.
I’m actually doing great now. That was kind of my catalyst too. He wasn’t doing anything for himself. Thankfully he’s done a lot since I let and I’m very proud of him. Good luck. You deserve to be happy.
He died, which really put a damper on the whole thing.
Men just really don’t put in the effort anymore
I can’t call it a failure. Fun was had. Goals diverged. We split quite amicably and remain in occasional contact. 10/10, would break up with them again.
We were together for 4 years. At the start i was nihilist and she was christian but respected each others views. Then we broke up coz satan made a guy gay.
Then in the last year of our relationship she suddenly wanted to me to go to church and listen to this guy talk about finding god. I thought fuck it, ill entertain the idea, whatever.
This guy (who was obviously gay) was talking about how satan made him gay and that turning to god made him straight. All i could see was pain in his eyes and hear the lack of conviction in his words. He brought his family out and everyone looked miserable. I felt terrible and cringey hearing this guy trying to convince everyone and himself that he wasnt gay and had found happiness.
My partners dad afterwards in the carpark was banging on about how the world would be better if gay people realised they werent gay but had a mental condition brought on by satan and i lost it and told her family to fuck emselves.
The guy ended up killing himself a few years later so I guess finding god didnt actually workout. Such a fucking shame cunts cant be themselves without other cunts judging em
The guy ended up killing himself a few years later so I guess finding god didnt actually workout. Such a fucking shame cunts cant be themselves without other cunts judging em
100%
This is why I’m always upfront about not being religious and not wanting marriage, because those two things are so contrary to the culture most of us were raised in that they are really difficult for people to absorb and understand.
We were polyamorous, had spent 8 years together, and then her other (new) partner decided she didn’t like me. So she put a wedge into our relationship by breaking the trust down between me and my partner, framing me as abusive, and eventually my partner abandoned me after the trust was gone.
The other gal turned everything I did into some manipulative scheme or way to control my partners. For example, the fact that I couldn’t suddenly drop $2k on a wisdom tooth removal for her became “financial abuse and control”.
I’m going to be angry about it for the rest of my life, I think.
As someone in a poly marriage, kitchen table poly is an absolute requirement for us. If all our partners can’t get along together, even if they aren’t involved with each other, we don’t date.
I have two partners along with my married partner, and they have two partners as well. We get along with all of each others partners, and while our partners don’t directly talk, they know about each other and are cool with everyone.
Not a chance if either of us were involved with someone who didn’t like the other would either of us stay with them.
Yeah I don’t need my partners to be friends, but I need them to get along and like each other
Pretty simple. Our relationship started when we were in our early 20’s. Over the course of the ~10 years we were together we became different people. By the time we were in our 30’s, what she wanted in a partner changed and I was no longer what she wanted. Figuring it all out hurt and sucked… but I’m in a good place these days and consider it an important learning experience in my past.
She died…
Becoming a widower at 40 sucks.
Much love, brother/friend. I’m sorry about that. It’s one of my biggest fears.
It’s life… It’s also the reason why I try to live my life to the best of my abilities. I am trying to teach my stepson that you can not put off for tomorrow what should be today. You never know what could happen and where tomorrow will lead.