I sent this image to my boys with the caption: “The German word for when a gym bro passes gas and it smells like protein powder.”

Anytime I get my kids a snack or a bowl of cereal to cap off the night, I almost certainly take the dad tax (which in and of itself is a joke), but generally tell them that I checked and it was not poison.

I also hide and scare everyone in my family, but that one is just for me. Sometimes I say boo without hiding, and that’s for them.

My modest contribution:

We own an electric fly swatter to take care of mosquitos in the house.

Whenever I take down a baddy, I’ll strike an overly dramatic pose, let the swatter spark and sizzle for a second, and then proclaim (in a deep voice):

“There can be only one…”

I randomly will just start walking as strangely as I can. Lifting my knees really high, shuffling side to side, you know the typical goofy stuff. Then when my daughter inevitably asks what I’m doing, I just proclaim this is how I walk now. Guaranteed eye rolls from her and my wife.

One of my kids made a comment about how long my legs are. I replied that if they were any shorter they wouldn’t reach the ground.

I’m not a dad but my dad used to have a couple (still does I just don’t live with him anymore lol)

Whenever we’d be walking somewhere and I would ask where we’re going he’d say “wherever our feet take us”, frustrated the heck out of me as a child but he was always very amused by it.

And a also, if you were walking and tripped on something he’d ask “why are you walking like that?”. We still do this one as a long-running joke in my family.