Damn, I guess every so often someone independently invents Mormonism lmao
The Garden of Eden is in Missouri!
The idea of Americans believing the bible actually took place in the USA is the most American thing I can imagine.
Also, counterpoint: The Bible actually took place in Scotland, specifically in an around the Forth. Here are my arguments:
- The Forth has more than seven tributries, including (but not limited to) The Leven, The Esk, The Water of Leith, the Almond, The Avon, and The Carron.
- Scotland was actually, provably, occupied by the Romans and still has Roman remains.
- Splitting the sea at the Inchgarvie Narrows makes more sense than splitting the Red sea.
- The Islands of the Forth are full of Hermitages, and Inchcolm has a Abbey, why? BECAUSE THEY KNEW!!!
- The Temple was built on a mount and surrounded by walls? St Margaret’s Chapel is on a mount surrounded by walls. Ergo; Edinburgh Castle is the actual site of The Temple!
- America has had no Presidents called “David”, but Scotland has had two.
COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!
You know all the depictions of Jesus do look a lot more like a Scotsman than someone from Jerusalem.
You should start a podcast
Americans believing the bible actually took place in the USA
Wait, they do?
Why are so many people taking a shitpost so seriously, some of ya’ll have watched wayyyyy too much Woke Veggie Tales
What do leftists have to so with the Bible?
Also 2000 years ago river systems were different.
This is real dumb
What does this post have to do with leftists?
That’s what im trying to find out
Wait, this isn’t a bit?
I mean, OP is the one saying leftists, ask them
If I were to take a guess its that, being a shitpost, OP was being something called “sarcastic.”
And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in the stars and stripes, and laid Him in the bed of the truck, because there was no room for them in the holiday inn.
Savior at the hotel, motel, holiday Inn
And then they went to the combination pizza hut and taco bell
Then Joseph put some miles on it, for blessed are the child diddlers.
Gold? Frankincense? Myrrh?
More like vape pen, monster, and meth.
Yeah.
And Moses split the Gulf of California to deliver his people to the promised land… Baja California.
That explains why* we have Baja Blast today!!!
I always knew it to be a celestial elixir
And that, my children, is why we celebrate Easter.
Ah yes, the Mississippi, the only river with 7 tributaries in the world. Of course.
Brazil is nothing but lies straight from the mouth of Satan.
Its a true fact!
I felt it in my tummy!
Honestly even the fucking Sava river had more than 7 before it even leaves Slovenia (small country).
Does that make the chosen people the Appalachian Hillbillies?
That tracks
Okay, the first problem is that the Bible does not say that Nile has 7 tributaries.
It says that (a different river, likely Euphrates), will get smashed into 7.
The second problem is everything else.
Obviously the answer is Jesus was in North America, Joseph Smith was right, and Matthew Mark Luke and John were a bit confused.
Thank Leif Erickson for bringing Christianity back to Europe and the Middle East, then going back in time and having his father Eric the Red build the first church in Greenland
Kinda related: The mormons believe that the garden of Eden was where Independence, Missouri is now… and everything resettled in the Middle East after the flood.
When I started reading the post, I honestly expected it to end with …“and that’s why the Mormons are right about Eden being in Missouri.”
All readers of Robert Rankin know that the true Garden of Eden was in Brentford
Christianity loses basically all of its real historical support if you remove the Roman context. But that’s kind of on brand for evangelicals who seem to think that “faith” is only pure when the conjecture defies all logic, reason and is in conflict with any external information.
Christianity loses basically all of its real historical support if you remove the Roman context.
Given how much of the ancient world we know about because preserved Roman texts mentioned it, that’s not surprising.
The fuck is a tributary? Because there are way more rivers than just those seven that drain to the mississippi. Wikipedia even says that tributaries include streams, and good lord I know even the tiniest of rivers will have many streams feeding it. Declaring a certain size of river/water body to be a tributary is just fucking around with numbers to prove your point.
It is a question of major tributaries. Depending how one defines “major”, about any number is possible. You can probably claim the Mississippi has one major tributary: the Missouri. Or you can claim it has hundreds, of your “major” definition is “mapped running water”.
yes, they sold the greatest lie in history and were very successful with it
