Depending what you want it for, but a sports massage is possibly a good option.

I’ve had a few for work related muscle tension issues. It’s a different mentality to the massage parlours. It’s also a lot more effective at problem solving, rather than feel good relaxing.

So I get massages a lot. I’m a lady but its a pet peeve to hear someone getting tugged off in the next room. I’m not rich so I often go to places that run specials or discounts. I figured it out. Its a rub and tug place if they have curtains in the windows and it’s a straight massage place if you can see into the waiting room. People aren’t embarrassed to be seen waiting for a massage. They are not as excited for you to be seeing them go into a happy ending place.

So this probably doesn’t help (except to back other people’s experiences), but there was an asian massage place across from the place I got oil changes and tire swap/rotations (as stud to normal and back). I went there a couple times (first was weird about tipping, but I figured it was a communication issue), got comfortable with it, and the third time the lady put her hand on my junk and just raised her eyebrows. I slowly shook my head, and she went back to a regular massage. That was the last time I went there.

My wife was actually super upset. Not at me, but for me, saying I had been sexually assaulted. I had to explain that while technically that might be true, I was not in a position of vulnerability, she was just doing her thing (and I was clearly in the wrong place), and I get to define my own experience.

I remember a medium sized city nearby did a sting on some asian massage parlours. The undercover cops had a strict fidelity to their burden of proof and as such wanted to make sure they had enough evidence for their case and as such returned I forget, half a dozen or more times for handies.

They got mocked pretty hard for it. It’s odd though, they are hands off on escorts and parlours usually idk why they went after these ones. They pushed all the street prostitutes off of the main roads on the side roads, while higher class ones will conspicuously work downtown on occasions, even right outside the police station.

There’s some clear clues on which venues are happy ending parlors.

• Avoid places with completely curtained windows. At least the lobby area should be visible to the public.

• Seek out places that refer to “massage therapists”. Avoid “masseuse” or “massage parlor”.

• The “crystal healing” “sound bath” hippy dippy places might try to sell you mushrooms but they are less likely to grab your dick.

• Avoid cash only places, they are trying to hide paper trails. Even if you’re paying out of pocket, any place that accepts insurance isn’t offering a “secret menu” .

• Low stated prices might mean they get by on big handy-based tips. They’re cheap for a reason. Medium priced places are just charging for normal services.

• Check what kind of person is in their online reviews. If it’s a middle aged man talking about how beautiful the “girls” are, skip. If it’s a Karen complaining about how they used CBD oil, it’s probably fine.

• Strip malls in general seem to attract this business niche, too. I’m not sure why.

If you’re normally comfortable getting a massage naked, consider keeping your underwear on for your first visit with a new practitioner.

I’ve only had it offered one time and it was at a placey MIL suggested when I was in town. I usually go to cheaper Asian massage places too.

So towards the end of the massage she tapped my dick through the towel and said you like? I said no and couldn’t wait to tell my MIL where she sent me.

My FIL went there for science after and confirmed my story and says he also said no but I have doubts.

About half the time it ends with a happy ending attempt.

Wait, what?

You tell us: what is that like. How do they offer? Is it verbal? What do they say or do?

I get a non-happy ending massage about once every three to six months, just depending on whenever the tension has built up enough.

I tried out a new place that was just called Thai Massage that I literally pass to buy every day on my way home from work and when I walked in I had sketch vibes right from the beginning.

I figured, what the heck? I don’t know. The place does look a little rundown, but it was $60 for an hour, and they required that I pay in cash, and that should have been my clue to turn around and leave.

But I said fuck it, I actually had the cash on hand, so I paid the $60 up front and stripped down to my undies and laid there on the bed and the lady walked in and she was a relatively attractive 50-ish year old Thai lady and she just laid her hands directly on my genitals and said, “You like?”

I quickly told her, no thank you, I just wanted a regular massage.

She gave me a very lackluster regular massage that only took like 35 minutes.

Disappointing all the way around probably should have taken the hand job instead, honestly.

“Give me the sad ending this time.”

A medieval codpiece would probably send the right message.

(also RIP my search history)

I appreciate this is probably the autism, but I’ve always been fascinated that most people seem to be comfortable with stripping down and being oiled up and touched by a stranger.

The odd thing is, I’d totally understand this in a sexual context - but for people to want this kind of contact just as a service, like a haircut or something, seems utterly alien to me.

I realise this doesn’t answer your question, but like I said, I’ve always been fascinated by the concept.

ask your regular therapist. they’ll be very familiar with the industry and the norms and which places to avoid etc.

I mean, you could just book one of the many normal licensed sports therapists instead of the shady wanky ones maybe?

I never have but I do get massages: Stick to licensed therapists in places like sports clinics, reputable spas, and actual massotherapy businesses and this shouldn’t really be a problem.

Ask if they take insurance.